Going back to my house

I went back to my house today for the first time since the betrayal. The judge granted me one trip to retrieve my stuff. I have plenty of things and there was no way I could remove it all. I will have to go all the way back to court (about forty miles away) and play 'mother-may-I?' to be granted another visit to retrieve the rest of my belongings. I was met there by our pastor (which was a very good thing) and my father-in-law. Things were peaceable but I had to question dear 'ol dad about why he would allow this sort of behavior from his daughter. He financed this injustice. He raised his hands up and shrugged and said I was speaking to the wrong person. I pointed out that I couldn't speak to his daughter and their attorney isn't returning my phone call. Whom exactly do I speak with?

He suffered a long and hard battle with my wife's mother who is just like her. He put up with abuse for years in his own marriage. His daughter has done the exact same thing to me. I asked him how he could do something so cruel. Something so vile and evil. I will not bore anyone with all the details of that conversation but I honestly believe he really saw me and understood my plight. I told him that I am living the same life he led with her mother. I have stayed in the marriage and suffered insane amounts of abuse, both verbal and physical. I am being persecuted through the family law system because his daughter lied and said she was afraid I would hurt her. He and I have known each other for ten years and he knows I have never raised a hand to his daughter. He knew I was right. He had to feel the guilt and shame of seeing the father of his grandchildren face to face, in utter angst. I had an incredibly difficult time keeping my emotions from overwhelming me. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me lose control from either sadness or rage.

I told him this could have been handled honorably which would have made things amicable and productive. That would have been best for the children. Now all they have succeeded in is building a bonfire of rage within me. How did this benefit anybody? Had we just agreed that it was time to divorce and just do it, we could have all saved thousands on legal fees and I would have given my wife the shirt off my back. Now, I'll be damned if I do anything to make things easier for her. She is entitled to nothing other than court-ordered child support. I will still be glad to provide generously (as much as I can afford) to my children but she gets nothing. How could she do something so cold and calloused? Recently we had a serious financial crunch and I gave it all to her and the girls. I worked twenty-hour days for several weeks in a row (weekends included) to make up the deficit and provide for our needs. This is repayment for my absolute dedication to the family. To be fair, there are two sides to every story. This is only my part. She has grievances and I wouldn't deny her that. I am not the perfect husband. I made plenty of mistakes but one thing I have always been is gentle and civil. My victim's rights advocate told my dad I was too nice in court. That I didn't go for the jugular and suffered for it. He called me a "gentle giant". That hurt to hear but given the accusations leveled against me, I'll take it as a compliment. I hope my father-in-law has a real attack of conscience and compels her to stop this madness and settle with me so we can all move on with our lives. I also implored him to get her psychologically evaluated and some treatment. "You know she is exactly like her mother and now that you have successfully removed me from my children, who will protect them from her? Who will speak for them?" I hope he feels shame and sorrow. In the end, you have to support your children but you should also have the courage to confront them, regardless of age, with the hard truth when it is necessary. This is all so very sad. It didn't have to be this way.

I alternate between hatred and pity for my wife right now. What a strange mixture of emotions this day has brought. I gave the abridged version of our conversation but I don't think I have ever spoken so eloquently and passionately. It was very raw, very real and so honest that it left no doubt how much pain he had caused and for all the wrong reasons. He hung his head and avoided eye-contact with me and occasionally nodded his head in acknowledgment of the points I made. I didn't badger him or berate him but I did shame him for playing a part in the further destruction of our family bond as well as my formerly good name. I walked down my driveway with tears streaming down my cheeks and a gaping hole in my heart. I hope you are proud, dad.