Staying strong

I have to admit I have been feeling very sympathetic to my wife's trials as a single parent with too-little income. It is easy to fall into the mindset that she is the victim here. She is not. The snap of the gym towel on my buttocks is the memory of the police coming into my office to read me the riot act, nice and loud, in front of my colleagues. Everyone in my office knows there is a domestic violence restraining order in effect on me. If there was even a shred of truth to it I would be man enough to admit it and take my lumps. I have taken them plenty of times before. In this case, I did absolutely nothing in the way of violence towards my wife. She did this as a quick route to divorce and forcing me to leave my children and home. She got what she asked for and now she has to deal with the consequences that come with isolating yourself from your breadwinner. I didn't ask for any of this to be thrust upon me. I was willing to go the distance with my wife and raise our daughters together as partners and friends so long as she was willing not to assail me or continue with her violent, erratic behavior. I just wanted her to behave normally. I wasn't looking for her to be witty, charming and to have my dinner ready along with my pipe and newspaper as I walked in the front door after work.

If anyone is the victim here it is our children. They don't understand what is happening and they have no say in what happens to them. Talk about unfair. At least I can decide what I do with myself from this point forward. They don't even have that luxury. I have resolved to be as professional, detached and businesslike as possible when it comes to dealing with this divorce. I will not be overly-emotional even though I have moments where my emotions test my resolve to be cool. No need to get worked up about this any longer. What end will that serve? I need to be firm but fair, kind but not a kind-hearted fool. She is, after all, the woman who testified in court that she was afraid for her safety because of me. She is the one who deliberately destroyed my reputation and stole my God-given rights. The same rights I served in the military for five long years to preserve. The consequences are not going to be comfortable in the short term. I hope and pray things get easier for her and she can find a way to stand on her own two feet. Even though I am not allowed to utter so much as a single word to her, I wish her every success in life.