Suffer the children

Last night I waited for my kids to call me but my nightly phone call never came. The judge instructed they call every night at 7pm. She did that when my petition for an injunction was still on the table. As of now, I don't know if the judge is still requiring that we get nightly communication but I suspect that it was her intention that the regular contact continue, uninterrupted. When the kids were over for their Thursday night visitation we did discuss some difficult things about what had happened in court. They asked questions and I didn't think it was right to sugar-coat the truth. I didn't say anything mean or inaccurate and tried to be sensitive to all parties but I couldn't simply say that things just didn't work out for daddy. I told them that mommy told the judge that daddy was a bad man and that she was afraid of me becoming violent with her. They both knew that was total b.s. and said that they didn't know why mommy would say such a thing. I didn't want to speculate with them but I know exactly why she did it. It was a way to take the first strike and wound me before we ever got to divorce court. She wanted to have me swiftly removed from our home and gain the upper hand. Pure and simple. I wish she would have to explain herself not only to them but to me as well. Like all the other times she has been unfair and abusive to me I'm sure she will one day apologize and think I am being mean and petty when I cannot accept her apology. This is a pattern as old as time with her. She lashes out and leaves collateral damage all over the place and then expects that saying she is sorry will somehow be enough. Not enough. Not this time.

I am still burning with rage but I honestly hope to be able to one day forgive her for this behavior. We need to be able to work together to raise our kids in partnership. They deserve to know that no matter what happened to our marriage that we are still together in unity when it comes to being their parents. They need to count on us working as a team, committed to establishing consistent rules of behavior and communicating important information necessary to effectively guide them. At this moment, I really don't mind not speaking to her. The restraining order assures me that I will have peace and not have to participate in an ugly conversation or argument. That part is great. I don't want to fight with her ever again. The bad part is that the scorched earth approach the restraining order took severely limits our ability to raise our kids in partnership. They will suffer because of this and I will raise them differently than my wife would like but I suppose we will all just have to do what we think is best. I pray she doesn't try to use them as pawns to make me suffer. She just told our third party contact that the final order didn't specify that she have the kids call every night. Last night wasn't convenient for them because her dad got home late from meeting me to pick up my belongings and they had to eat dinner. She left out the part about having to brush and floss teeth. It only takes a few minutes to have the kids call. It is inexcusable to not encourage them to communicate with me and there should always be some time consideration to attempt to preserve and maintain the relationship with the other parent. She did say to our third-party contact that she did intend for them to call even though she wasn't compelled by the judge to do so but that last night wasn't convenient. Should l be grateful for that consideration?. It isn't exactly convenient for me to be denied access to my kids for the majority of the month - especially the manner in which it went down. I wish she would try to show a little more flexibility and sensitivity for the other party. After all, this isn't about us any longer. We are through. It is about our kids now so we must put aside our differences (and there are many) and focus on raising them and making every effort to reinforce the bond between parent and child.

I am not unrealistic enough to think that they will call me every night at the same time until they hit eighteen. That is silly. I don't want them to do it out of a sense of obligation. Once we get further along and things calm down I fully expect the calls will not be like clockwork if the kids are busy. We are only a few weeks into this process so things (my emotions included) are delicate and we should all make a conscientious effort to be consistent with the kids. They need this contact even more than I do but I will admit I am desperate for it. I count the minutes until I hear my phone ring every night. It doesn't matter where I am or what I am doing I am always there and ready to go. Enough for now, I suppose.