A new day

I swear every minute is a different feeling with me. Early in the day I felt like I had been raped. That is the way it felt then and still does. I will think about something or see something that reminds me of my life before this mess and I develop a sudden case of bitter rage mixed with a healthy dose of sadness. I hope those episodes subside a little more each day. As the day went along, I started to feel a little better. Can acceptance be far behind? Early this morning, I was so weary and hurt that I couldn't bring myself to get ready for work. I sat and stared at my breakfast for the better part of an hour. Admittedly, I was feeling sorry for myself. I didn't have the will to get up and start doing something productive. I am striving to become more philosophical about it all and just know that I am far better off being removed from the toxic environment I used to call home. My estranged spouse (soon to be -ex) seems to treat the kids well when she is feeling okay. I hate that. She should treat them well always. I have seen that this isn't the case but it really doesn't matter because she was the first one to cry foul and report me to the authorities. They are far too eager to rush to the aid of a so-called battered woman. I should just be clear here and declare my disgust for domestic violence. No person, man or woman, should have to live with violence or harassment. If a person batters their spouse (and it is clear they actually did what was claimed) they deserve jail time. Counseling is probably a very good thing, too. At least in this case it is a sick joke for my spouse to call herself battered. It is nearly as sick as Ted 'The Swimmer' Kennedy being outspoken on women's rights. You hear the words but can hardly believe they are coming from the source.

I wish I had more time to delve into some thoughts that are bouncing around in my mind but I am afraid I need to get some sleep. Last night was awful. Tonight will hopefully go better. If nothing else, a few Tylenol PM capsules will help to take the edge off.